A Sense of Finality
by Faikitty
Summary: "I can see them with every flash," Fai murmured, his voice cracking slightly. "I can hear their accusing voices with every loud crash." Kurogane/Fai.


If you haven't noticed, I haven't been much for putting author notes on my fanfiction lately. I find them pointless (and incredibly embarrassing to look back on). But this story is an exception because there are a few things I need to clarify.

First, the writing is really similar to the style of my old fanfics (albeit much longer). That's because this was started, oh... three years ago, maybe? I had forgotten about it until a few days ago, so I decided to finish it. Looking back, I'm almost thankful I forgot about it for so long, given how ooc everyone was. In any case, I tweaked it a bit and typed up a quick ending, and now I'm finally posting it.

Second, if you're disappointed in the ending because of a lack of smut (not sure why you would be honestly; remember when I used to say I would NEVER write smut?), I'll be uploading some newly written Kurofai smut in a few days. So you'll have that to look forward to instead. This is only rated T to be safe.

And finally, I KNOW the ending was abrupt. You have to understand this thing is three years old. Have you ever read your old writing? It's somewhat horrifying. So I was rather sick of this story and just wanted it to be over. And that's that.

* * *

_Tears… they make you a weak person. Or is it the opposite?_ Fai had always said they showed a person's true strength. It was easy enough to keep sadness inside of you, but surprisingly difficult to let it out and actually cry. Tears do not indicate weakness, but from birth, they have been a sign that you are alive. He recalled having said this to Kurogane a few weeks previous. The ninja had scoffed at him, telling him that a real man never cries. Then he had paused and looked at Fai, asking him why he said that, when Kurogane had never once seen him shed tears. Fai had given him a dark, remorseful look, a bitter smile perched on his face, and replied quietly, "Because I am weak."

Fai recollected this conversation as he gazed in contentment at the new world, a pleasant, picturesque place. It sprang up from as if from a painting, the artist's sweeping brush strokes creating wispy clouds in a fathomless blue sky and rolling green hills. Winding through the green were shimmering blue rivers and lakes, their surfaces stirring slightly from a warm breeze. A single, dirt road led into a calm farm village, filled with quaint cottages and friendly people.

"There's no way they're all kind though…" Fai murmured softly, a faraway look in his eyes. "After all, looks can be deceiving. Ashura-ou…" He sighed, closed his light blue eyes, and leaned his head back, letting the breeze that tousled his blonde hair blow away his painful memories. Still, his past refused to stay in the back of his mind, and resurfaced, making its way to the front again in teasing persistence.

"Oi, mage!"

Fai opened one eye and put his usual stepford smile back on his face as he heard Kurogane's familiar voice. "Yes?" he asked in a pleasant, teasing tone as the ninja approached. "Would you like to sit with me, Kuro-puu?" He patted the grassy soil beside him invitingly.

"No," Kurogane declined without consideration. "I came to bring you back, actually. It looks as though it's about to storm."

Fai glanced back over his shoulder to confirm the dark, ominous clouds that were gathering in the distance. "Aw, but Kuro-rin, they look so far away! Why don't you rest for a bit with me?" he asked again.

Kurogane glanced at the village and gauged the distance for a moment. "…No harm in it, I guess," he admitted gruffly, taking the offered place by Fai. "What are you doing up here in the first place?"

"I just felt like coming up here. It's peaceful," Fai said dismissively. "This world is so warm and bright; it's practically the opposite of mine." He laughed, but his eyes had a faint hint of bitterness and hurt in them.

"Your world," Kurogane began after a brief silence. "What's it like? You never talk about it."

"Well…" _How do I describe it?_ "It's… it's very cold."

"I guessed as much."

"And snowy."

Kurogane snorted and rolled his eyes. "I'll just go if you don't want to talk, you know."

"I'm sorry," the mage responded hurriedly. Sometimes he much preferred to be alone, but now was not one of those times. "Its people were kind-hearted and accepting. They were the most innocent humans you will ever meet, but they…" Fai stopped in mid-sentence, staring at his hands, his slender fingers knit together.

Kurogane glanced sideways at Fai. "They…?" he pressed, faintly curious now.

"Nothing. They were great. That's all there is to it," Fai said with a sense of finality.

"So why did you leave? Too cold for you?"

Fai giggled. "Of course not! I just… I didn't have much of a choice," he said.

"Then what? Princess send you away too?"

"You're funny, Kuro-sama!" Fai laughed, trying to ease the conversation away from the touchy subject.

"Whatever," Kurogane scoffed. "…do you miss it?" he asked a beat later.

"I suppose I do…," Fai admitted, "but not enough to want to go back." He looked at Kurogane. "What about you?"

"Of course; it was my wish, remember?" the ninja said, hitting the blonde lightly on the head as if to jar his memory.

Fai jumped up and tackled Kurogane in a hug, ignoring the larger man's protests. "Don't worry, Kuro-rin! You'll go back eventually!" he promised as he snuggled against the ninja's chest.

"I'd better. That damn witch took my sword as payment for me returning home," he growled. "Although it's true that I don't want to go back quite as badly now…" He shoved Fai off of him and stood up abruptly. "Quit giving me nicknames and being all huggy with me. It's annoying." He pointedly ignored Fai's hurt expression. "We should get back to the house. The clouds are getting closer. We're just lucky we managed to find the princess's feather before this storm came. Err, started coming," he amended. "It looks like it'll be a rough one."

Fai lay rolled onto his stomach and gazed at the darkening sky. It was true; the clouds were steadily increasing in both blackness and mass. "You know, I've never actually seen a real thunderstorm," Fai admitted, anticipation coloring his voice.

"Really?" Kurogane asked coolly. "I'm impressed."

Fai nodded. "It snowed all of the time in my world. There were snowstorms, yes, but storms like this? Never. I've heard of them, but I've never seen them," he said quietly.

"Oh, really? You're in for a great time then." Kurogane muttered sarcastically. "This one looks like a strong one. I don't like to say this but… you should probably sleep with me tonight."

Fai gasped mockingly, rocking up to a sitting position. "Why, Kuro-sama! I'm sorry, but I'm not quite ready to take our relationship that far ye-" He was cut off by Kurogane slamming his fist down on the magician's head. Fai glared indignantly up at him. "Alright, alright. But why?"

"I'm not dense. I've seen children in storms. I've seen the first time they've experienced thunder and lightning. I can tell you, it's not pretty sight. Somehow, I don't expect you to be much better than they are."

* * *

A blanket of darkness soon covered the beautiful land, encasing it in gloom. All of the citizens locked themselves up in their homes for the night, glad to sleep through the storm and dream of brighter days. Rain raced through the town, softly at first, then pounding harshly on the windowpanes. The gentle breeze sprang up into a tremendous gale, churning the once placid lakes and roaring around the houses and trees, threatening to rip them off the earth.

Fai, safe and warm inside the house, was quite content to listen to these familiar sounds. He leaned against the wall, chatting happily about nothing and to no one in particular while a fire burned inside the fireplace. Sakura leaned peacefully against Syaoran's chest, her head slipping down into the crook of his neck as she slept. He blushed faintly and brushed the hair off of her calm, sleeping face. Mokona dozed in her toasty, cozy lap.

"Flying, flying! Mokona is flying!" the little white manjuu sang in its sleep.

Kurogane glanced at Mokona out of the side of his eye then turned to face out of the small window expectantly.

"Kuro-puu?" Fai asked. He crawled over to the ninja and knelt by him, placing his hands on the other man's shoulders and leaning against his back. "Are you waiting for something?"

Kurogane ducked away, causing Fai to crash to the floor. The magician rubbed his chin and looked piteously at the ninja. His expression changed to curiosity when he realized that he was being ignored. "Kuro-tan? Will the fun begin soon?" he asked teasingly. He scooted closer and laid his head in Kurogane's lap, behaving like a lonely kitten. The dark-haired man glanced briefly down at him, and then looked up again as a bright flash lit the room, causing Fai's questions to die in his throat. He sat up cautiously and looked questioningly at Kurogane.

Syaoran, his attention primarily focused on Sakura, caught a quick glimpse of the light. He placed his hands over the princess's ears.

Upon seeing this, Fai turned his gaze to the darkness outside. _It's pitch-black; there's nothing to see out there! What can they all be waiting on? _"Kuro-?"

All of a sudden, a huge crash outside caused Fai's breath to catch, cutting off his inquiry. Kurogane and Syaoran both flinched slightly as the rumbling shook the house; Sakura, her ears protected by Syaoran's hands, remained sound asleep, only shifting slightly. Mokona, on the other hand, jumped out of Sakura's lap with a surprised squeak. It darted underneath the blankets which lay nearby and huddled there, shaking, its ears the only things that poked out.

Fai's eyes were wide and confused as he stared at Kurogane. The latter turned to look at him with a pleasant smile, as if to say "Having fun?". Then he caught sight of the expression on Fai's face and stood up abruptly.

"What do you say we go to bed early tonight?" he suggested, taking pity on the wizard. Fai smiled thankfully at him as he rose as well.

Syaoran nodded. "Do we have enough rooms for everyone?" he checked.

Kurogane cleared his throat. "Fai'll be sleeping with me tonight." Fai nodded wordlessly to Syaoran, his smile precariously perched on his countenance.

Mokona poked its head out from under the folds of the blanket. "Can Mokona sleep with Syaoran tonight?" it asked.

"Sure," Syaoran said smiling gently. Mokona jumped happily onto Syaoran's head and perched there like a cute little white hat. Syaoran carefully gathered Sakura in his arms and stood up, hoping to let her continue resting. The search for the feather had tired all of them out, Sakura especially. "Good-night," he added as he carried the princess off to one of the extra rooms.

"Good-night, Syaoran-kun, Mokona, Sakura-chan!" Fai called as he waved farewell. His hand fell limply at his side once they were out of sight, fingers trembling slightly.

"You okay?"

Fai spun around, apparently having forgotten that someone else was in the room with him. "What, Kuro-pipi?" he asked, feigning cluelessness.

Kurogane eyed him suspiciously. "Never mind then. If you don't won't to talk, I won't make you. Are you coming to bed or not?" he asked.

"I think I rather like this storm," Fai said in a brief moment of anger at the other man's condescending tone. "I'll stay out here for awhile."

Kurogane rolled his crimson eyes and turned away. He raised his hand as he walked down the hall, his back turned to Fai. "Whatever," he said. "You're an adult. You can do whatever the hell you want. But I'm going to bed."

Fai sighed and dropped the act as he watched the small of the man's back disappear. "I'll get some rain and put out the fire, then come to bed, okay?" he called, filling his voice up for a few more seconds with energy. The only reply was a grunt.

_My little façade is getting to be more trouble than it's worth. It almost failed there for a minute._ Fai grabbed a bowl in his hands and opened the door, stepping out into the cool rain. "This feels so nice…" he murmured, grateful for the chance to relax, even if only briefly. The rain helped wash away the painful images the storm was conjuring in his mind; the fearsome roaring of the wind drowning out the voices.

All of a sudden, a huge, jagged streak of light burst from the black sky, striking a tree near Fai with a loud crack.

_The mad king attacked him, his eyes white with insane rage as he drew his sword. Fai cringed against the wall and closed his eyes. He could almost feel death upon him, but then, he opened them again to see the monarch jab the sword through his own throat._

_What the-?_ Fai saw the scene change before his eyes, going from lightning, to the murderous king, to the charred tree. He fell back, the bowl tumbling from his numb hands and shattering on the ground. The odor of the burnt, smoking tree stung his nostrils as he attempted to regain his breath. The echoing thunder that followed only knocked it out of his chest again.

_"Now the only ones who still draw breath in this country are you two!"_

"Fai-san! Are you okay!?" Syaoran slammed the door open and raced out, followed closely behind by Kurogane and tired eyed Sakura. "What happened?"

The ninja immediately walked over to Fai. He looked at him, only managing to meet his panicked eyes briefly, and sighed, shaking his head sadly. "You're an idiot," he said decisively as he picked him up in his strong arms.

"Kuro-sama…" Fai whispered. "I'm fine. Let me go."

Kurogane turned wordlessly to Syaoran, and the boy nodded and returned to the doorway where Sakura was standing fearfully, a sleepy Mokona perched on her head. "Is he-?" she began, but Syaoran put his finger on her lips, silencing her. He placed his arm around her shoulders and led her back inside as another flash lit up the sky.

Fai whimpered and tried to cower deeper inside Kurogane's cloak, to no avail. "Not quite so fine after all, huh, mage?" It was a statement, not a question. Kurogane looked at him curiously and walked inside, setting him somewhat roughly on the bed. Fai drew his legs, his head bowed into his knees. The ninja tossed a towel at him, and although it hit him in the head, he ignored it and let it fall to the ground unnoticed.

"Having fun yet? You can't say I didn't warn you."

_Forget this damn fake personality of mine._ "Shut up," Fai said, completely forsaking his mask for the time being. Kurogane sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Fai's head up by his hair. He peered into his face, but Fai averted his eyes with a quiet hiss. _I won't let him see me._

"I don't suppose you'd care to dry off a bit? You're dripping all over the sheets," Kurogane said to fill the unusual silence. Fai said nothing; he merely turned away to face the bare wall. A flash of light revealed his face, blue eyes shut and teeth clenched tight, his face taunt.

"Hey." Kurogane said, slightly concerned. He put his hand on the magician's shoulder and pulled him around. "You okay?"

Fai shook his head slowly, staring at the blankets beneath him. "I don't think I like storms much…" he admitted, voice husky.

"Obviously. I'm a bit surprised though. I didn't think…" He caught sight of a faint glimmer on Fai's cheeks. "Wait, are you _crying_, mage?"

Tears glistened on his cheeks as they fell hot from Fai's eyes. He opened them slowly and looked at Kurogane. "I'm sorry…" he muttered.

"Why are you apologizing?" Kurogane asked, a bit taken back at the sudden display of emotion.

"You think tears are a sign of weakness. And you hate weakness." _So you must hate me._

Kurogane felt a guilty twinge. True, he hated weakness. And yes, in his opinion, crying did make a person weak. But it wasn't the tears themselves that he hated, nor the people, truly. All he really hated was the attitudes of those he deemed weak. Always pushing their problems onto other people's shoulders, being unable to fight or so much as crawl by themselves, clinging so tightly to everyone…Tch. It was disgusting, degrading. How much more annoying could you possibly get? He had never had to rely on anyone. From the beginning, he'd taken it upon himself get stronger so he could be there for people who needed him. For those who truly needed him, not weaklings who wanted a free ride. As for Fai, well, he had never relied on anyone either, at least, not in the time Kurogane had known him. He was strong, even if he didn't realize it, and if Kurogane didn't care to admit it. Was it so wrong to allow him a moment of weakness?

A sudden bright flash jerked Kurogane from his thoughts. Fai whimpered quietly as lightning lit his tear-stained face, more images springing up in his mind.

_A black hole appeared in the stone wall of the pit. A man appeared in it, his black eyes full of a cruel light, a dark smirk on a bearded face. Fai stared at him in shock, unable to believe that someone could enter this pit reserved for sinners, where magic had no effect._

Kurogane sighed placed his face in his hand. Although he had to admit, it would be fun to get his revenge on Fai, the infuriating mage, he couldn't do it. Not in this way. He couldn't bring himself to be so heartless. Thunder shook the room as he lifted up his head, and he saw the dark figure of Fai huddle closer to the cold, bare wall in a pathetic attempt to find warmth and safety.

_"You must choose! Between you and the other one!"_

"Idiot." Kurogane said gruffly, shocking the magician out of his memory. "Why would I hate you?"

Fai, still in his soaking wet coat, tried to sink down and hide his head. "Why wouldn't you?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled by the fabric. _Really…There's no reason for him to like me at all. We're as different as yin and yang, day and night, light and dark…Everything about our personalities are opposites, and I know that when I'm hiding my true self, I grate on his nerves and drive him mad—literally. So…_

Suddenly, Fai felt heated hands grip his freezing ones, ice cold with fear and regret. They were like hot iron, and he couldn't pull away, his half-hearted attempts getting him nowhere. "Let. Go," he ordered weakly, still buried inside the coat.

"Please. I've served a princess practically my whole life. I know how to tell the difference between commands that you mean and ones you're just saying. What's the matter with you, stupid mage? Why don't you just relax? I knew you would probably be a bit freaked out. But this is…"

"I-" Thunder cut Fai off, and he gasped as he was pulled into another memory.

_"Then free Yuui."_

_Fai looked on in horror as the limp figure of his twin plummeted from the tower. Their eyes met for a brief moment, before his twin, the real Fai, crashed to the ground in an explosion of snow. Thick, red liquid spilled out, coating the white like paint on a canvas, the blood spraying out all around the dead body._

_"FAI!"_

"Fai! Snap out of it, damn it!"

Fai slowly opened his light blue eyes and found himself tucked safely in Kurogane's arms. He tried feebly to pull away again, knowing well that Kurogane wouldn't want him to stay in such a position, but he found himself oddly trapped for some reason. He gave up and huddled in his Castle Kurogane, shaking slightly and unwillingly.

"Shh. You're fine…" He took Fai's blue and white hood and pulled it off, studying his face closely with what he hoped was a neutral expression. Not that Fai appeared to care, as he refused to look Kurogane directly in the eyes. With a sigh, the ninja laid the magician's head back on his chest, keeping his hand on his cheek. He could feel Fai's body shaking and the salty moisture coating his hand. _The hell got into you?_ "You wanna tell me why the hell you're so freaked out?" he asked.

"I can see them with every flash," Fai murmured, his voice cracking slightly. "I can hear their accusing voices with every loud crash."

"That doesn't make any sense… What are you talking about? Whose voices?" Kurogane pressed.

Fai kept his head buried in the ninja's chest. "You would hate me if I told you…" he murmured.

Kurogane shook his head. "Of course not. I would never hate you," he insisted. "Tell me."

"No," Fai refused. "I can't. All you need to know is that everyone I care about always suffers. I can bring nothing but misfortune and unluckiness to people. If I love someone, they'll die."

"That's not true."

Fai suddenly found himself angry at Kurogane's persistence. He raised his head and glared at the ninja, his bright blue eyes meeting the other man's red ones with stark contrast. "Kurogane. You will die," he said flatly.

Kurogane returned his gaze evenly. "Everyone dies eventually," he pointed out in an equally emotionless voice.

Fai stood suddenly and stalked over to the window, too distracted by this new predicament to pay attention to the flashes and rumbles outside. "You're an idiot. Do you not realize what I'm saying?"

Kurogane joined Fai and grabbed his arm. "No, I don't," he said as he spun the wizard back around to face him in frustration.

"You're an idiot," Fai repeated decisively.

"Takes one to know one," Kurogane shot back. Fai refused to answer, and Kurogane returned to the bed with an exasperated sigh. "I'm going to bed," he said with a sense of finality. He pulled the cover up over his head and rolled onto his side in a huff.

A minute passed in silence, then two minutes, then five minutes, the only sounds being the rumbling outside and the steady breathing of the two men.

Then Fai was beside him again. "Kuro… " He peered at the lump where he knew Kurogane's head was under the blanket. "Are you asleep…?" When there was no response, he continued speaking. "You really are an idiot. You can't even figure out what I'm too weak to put into words." More silence. "Kurogane…? I love you. Fool…"

At these words, Kurogane's arm shot out from under the blanket and wrapped around Fai, dragging him under the blankets too. "Who's the idiot now?" Kurogane asked, his smirk invisible in the darkness. Fai was thankful for the blackness that masked his red face as Kurogane brought his lips up to Fai's. Fai felt a shock as if he himself had been struck by lightning, and he stayed immobile for several seconds before sinking into the kiss, letting his tongue slip between Kurogane's teeth.

But as suddenly as it had come, the moment was gone, lost in the thunder that rocked the bed and caused Fai to jerk away, the blanket falling to the ground. "Kuro—" Kurogane cut off Fai's shaky voice with another kiss, this one gentler. Silently he pulled the blanket back up and held Fai close. Fai closed his eyes tightly and nestled closer, the lightning in the back of his mind with his memories, shut away for now. He felt himself drifting off to sleep as he lay wrapped around the other man.

_The storm will be gone tomorrow. But Kurogane will still be here._


End file.
